Feeling all red

Us shaam se pehlay ki kuch unkahi baatein
Jo har lamhq mere dil main basi rehti thein

Us shaam se pehlay ki woh baarish
Jo barasti thi meri aankhon mein kahin

Us shaam main thi aik ajeeb si khushbu
Jo le jaati hai mujhe maazi main kahin duur aaj bhi

Us shaam ki woh akeli si tanhai
Jo yaad dilati hai mujhe un baahon ki

Us shaam ka woh ehsaas jo mujh se hal pal kehta hai
Keh zindagi sirf khushiyan mil janay ka naam nahin

Us shaam ki woh andhi tareeki
Jo phel chuki hai mere har taraf

In haathon main hain kirchein kuch shaamon ki
Khoon se rangi hai aaj ki ye shaam bhi

***********************************************

The unspoken melodies of that particular time
The ones that were buried deep in my heart

The rain that used to pour before that evening
The one which used to pour through my eyes

And the fragrance of that beautiful time
That sometimes takes me back there even now

The loneliness that existed in that time
How it reminds me of being in those arms

The essence of that time which keeps haunting me
& tells me that life isn't all about experiencing happiness only

The darkness of that time
The one that's spreading all around me even now

These hands are still holding onto the broken pieces of my past
Its all so red tonight cuz my heart hasn't stopped bleeding yet

EiD mUbArAk!!!

Wishing you a very happy Eid! May the guidance of Allah be with you and your family.

The things we've left behind us

Believe it or not but nothing is constant in life except for one thing and that's change. Change consistently alters everything around us. Sometimes to an extent where its hard to catch up. But the fact is that we have to accept it and move on. Unfortunately good times change to bad times. Love turns into hate. A smile turns into a tear. Making up turns into a break up. Sometimes change is necessary. Sometimes our eyes fail to see certain things and our hearts refuse to accept that change.

Fortunately the only thing that can change the change is obviously more change. So the hate turns back into love (after all our hate for someone is actually our love for someone else), a tear changes into a smile again, a break up opens a new door for more love. That's the magic of change. Its inevitable.

As this year comes to an end I am looking back and thinking as to how dramatically my life has changed. From losing my job to my differences with my dad. From finding love to losing love. From broken friendships to new friendships. From not being in school to going back to school. Its been a crazy ride. And I have survived it all. I wish certain things didn't unfold the way they unfolded but I am sure God has a plan. I have full faith in Him.

Some days I feel very low. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of just fixing the unfixed. There hasn't been a moment where I don't want to be in the arms of my love. But that's all wishful thinking. Life has something else in store. I feel guilty and I don't feel guilty. Because if I am walking around with a part of them then they are also walking around with a part of me. So we are all even.

So yes all tears eventually fade away. All mournings come to an end. All smiles wear off. And the things we've left behind us simply stay in the past while we keep moving on. Nothing remains the same.

That's why the past comes first followed by the present and then the future. That's how it has been and that's how it will be.

Its inevitable.

Its change.

And its a bitch.

Dhoop Kinaray

Ahmer: Main wapas jaa raha hoon. Tumhein kuch aur nahin de saka. Apna aur tumhara ye ghar tumhein ko de ker ja raha hoon. Aik bar socha tha ke hum aur tum apnay apnay masaail se nikal ker is main rahaein ge.Lekin maine zindagi main jo kuch socha woh ghalat tha. Jo kuch paya tha woh kho diya. Ye shayad meri taqdeer thi. Ya shayad meri ghalatiyon ki sazaa.Apna khayaal rakhna. Ahmer.

Zoya: Jis jagah aap nay mujhe chora hai. Us jagah se main wapsi ka rasta kaisay talaash karun gi. Aap to mera haath pakar ker yahaan tak laye thay...phir khud kho gaye? Abb main is raaste pe bilkul akeli khari hoon.Jaane se pehlay mujhe wapsi ka raasta to bata deitay. Takay mein wapas ja sakti. Agar wapas jana chahti to.

Zoya: Aap gaye nahin Dr. Ahmer?

Ahmer: Sab raaste yaheen to aa rahay thay...main kahan jaata?

Zoya: Aap to chalay gaye thay?

Ahmer: Main kaheen nahin ja raha Zoya. Aur na tumhein kaheen janay doon ga.....

The best closing dialogue ever written.

Silent Screams

There is this insanity that's taking over my entire being. Today my prof asked me to come up and explain how the valves of the heart work. I explained three of them correctly and while I was explaining the fourth one.. my mind drifted towards a different direction. That's whats been happening. Lately.

My body is here but my mind is somewhere else. My heart is with the one I love. In the midst of a normal day I suddenly get this craving. No not for something sweet. But the craving is for the one I love. I crave for him. For his warmth. It all comes down to a point where I need him, I want him but when that craving doesn't get fulfilled... I am left with nothing but a teary eye.

The insanity, the intensity, the cravings...everything is coming to a point where my heart just might explode. Its been pounding with this indescribable pain. I find myself crying in the middle of the night. I find myself lost during the day. In the midst of a sunny day I find myself falling into a pit of endless despair.I have loved to a point where it has actually started to hurt me. Physically.

This craving is here to stay. My silent screams are calling out the name of the one I love.

Hear me if you can. I am shivering because life is cold. Cover me with your love. Paint my loneliness with your grace. Fill this emptiness with your warmth.

I am craving...

I am waiting...

I am falling apart...

Its all blue

There was this silence that used to
Haunt my soul to the core
There was this darkness that would
Stab through my life more and more

Then came a sprinkle of love
Probably from some cloud from the above
That blessed my soul with the kind of love

That was never been heard of before

And now that moment is gone
And I am stuck in the middle of no where
Dealing with the after math
Craving for so much more

Yesterday everything was a hue of pink
And tonight its all so blue
And I just wanna whisper to the winds
That I am still in love with you

So here I am being really silly
Mourning the loss of something
That was never mine
Something that will never be mine

The rain drops keep falling
As I drown more in my own tears
Sitting on the edge of my bed
I had a thought today

I miss you...
I miss me...
and together
I miss us.

Red

Take a scalpel and make a cut right through my heart
And all you'll see is the color Red
No! Do not be mistaken, it is not blood
Its you, the red is you.. and nothing else.

Give peace a chance

"No, don't close me up. If you get in and it's too complicated, cut the cord. Paralyze me if you must. I survived a war did you know that? I survived a war where they put bodies in to mass graves where there was once a playground. I survived the death of my family, my parents, my brothers and sisters. Then I survived the death of my wife and child when they starved to death in a refugee camp. I survived the loss of my country, of hearing my mother tongue spoken, of knowing what it feels like to have a place to call home. I survived. And I will survive the loss of my legs. If I have to, I'll survive it. Ok? But Derek, there is always a way when things look like there's no way. There's a way to do the impossible, to survive the in survivable. There's always a way. And you, you and I have this in common. We're inspired. In the face of the impossible, we're inspired. So if I can offer one piece of advice to the world's foremost neuro surgeon. Today if you become frightened instead become inspired. Ok, I'm ready now. Put me to sleep."

- Grey's Anatomy